


Maybe I'll Love You Next Spring

by Just_A_Small_Town_Girl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, SO SORRY, harry is cute, harrys job is to save louis every time, louis is oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 13:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_A_Small_Town_Girl/pseuds/Just_A_Small_Town_Girl
Summary: Harry just loves Louis the most and Louis loves all the wrong people and everyone want to know what goes on inside Harry's head





	

#  ****MAYBE I'LL LOVE YOU NEXT SPRING

# _____ 

His name is Grant.

He is the one that Louis loves.

But the thing is Louis has had millions of boyfriends, he's had his heart broken more times than he would ever admit.

And Harry? Well he's been here all along.

Louis and Harry have been best friends since time in the womb, their moms, Johannahh and Anne, met in a birthing class, they became best friends instantly, so it was only fate that their kids would be best friends. So here they are, eighteen years old and still as close as their mothers were.

Harry’s been through everything with Louis, he knows Louis better than himself and maybe he's a little insane when he thinks “ _damn, I wouldn't mind loving him for the rest of my life”._ But he always pushes that thought aside because he's his best friend and Harry is not gay and it's just not supposed to end that way. It's gonna end with Louis finding some hot ass guy (because Louis is gay, unlike Harry, for the most part) and marrying him with a big ass wedding with hundreds of people and Harry will be his best man and everything will be good.

So Harry’s got it all figured out.

But he still doesn't like Grant.

Frankly, he never has really liked any of Louis’ boyfriends, they're always either too buff or too skinny or way too many tattoos or they have a weird hairstyle or they wear the same outfit **way** too much, and yeah, maybe Harry’s a little too judgemental, but he kind of has to be, because no one's gonna break Louis's heart as bad as Liam did again.

And Grant is no different.

He's all muscle, but not big muscle, he's just toned, and he's kinda small too, maybe 5’10 at tallest? He's wearing a pair of khakis with white and black Nikes, and he has a maroon fuckboy shirt on that Harry has seen way too many times. His hair is slicked back and combed, it isn't into an updo, like most of Louis’ boys are. It's just in a comb over. He looks clean, like a daddy’s little superstar, clean.

 

“Harry, this is Grant,” Louis says, his smile way too big and he's rubbing his hands together more than he should. Harry looks up from his spot on the leather couch of his mom's living room, clicking his phone off and sticking out his hand to shake Grant’s. Grant has a nice smile, the kind that took braces and lots of teeth whitening. His handshake is firm, he makes note of the faint hickey on the side of Grant’s neck, almost hidden by his collar.

 

“God, I feel like your father,” Harry exclaims to Louis, ending the awkward silence between them all. Grant laughs and Louis laughs and Harry pretends to like Grant for a little while.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

     “I hate him.” Harry tells Louis the second the front door closes ( _“I have to meet a friend for lunch,”_ _Grant said, before leaving at 4:30 in the afternoon. ‘Some friend’ Harry thinks but doesn't say.)._

 

“Of course you hate him,” Louis sighs, not even looking up to Harry, just walking back into the kitchen, “you always hate every guy I bring to you!”

“Start bringing back better guys!” Harry fights back. Louis looks at him with that look in his eyes, almost saying _please Harry._ And Harry then hears the baby monitor go off from the upstairs bedroom,  

“Ugh, be right back,” he grumps upstairs to Bella’s room, his six month old sister. She's attempting to stand in her crib, all blotchy eyes and pink cheeks, she holds her hands out to Harry in a fetal attempt to get his attention. Harry can't help the smile that comes onto his face as he lifts her from the crib, popping her on his hip and kisses her forehead. He checks her diaper and it's clean. She isn't crying hungry, so Harry’s wonder what's wrong.

He walks to his mother's room across the hallway and opens her door, she's sleeping. _When isn't she sleeping really?_ He gently shakes her shoulder, she stirs and slowly turns to him.

“Did you play with Bella after her nap at noon?”

His mother only manages a slight murmur of something he can't make out, then turns back on her stomach and goes back to sleep.

“Mom!” Harry shakes her again, rougher this time.

“Harry, get out, I'm trying to sleep,” she slurs,

“Ridiculous!” Harry yells, “I can't ask you to do one thing, can I?”

“Don't you-” Anne starts,

“Start acting like a mother!” Harry yells, before securing Bella on his hip and slamming the door shut. He storms down the stairs which is scary for Bella because in her 6 months on earth she knows that Harry doesn’t storm anywhere. He is gentle, and sweet, and the only person he ever really gets angry at is their mother, Anne (which really isn’t Anne’s fault because Harry’s father left years ago which caused her to go into a deep depression, which got her knocked up three different times by three different men. None of them ever found out about the pregnancies. One night stands, is what she tells the kids).

Bella starts to cry in his arms and then it is Harry who gives up, pushing Bella into Louis’s arms and muttering an “ I don’t even know,” he then proceeds to jog up the steep staircase to Gemma and Maren’s room, pressing the door wide open and turning on the light. The girls awake from their slumber with squinty eyes, still dressed in their day clothes. Which means they didn’t plan to nap, they slept because they got so tired they couldn’t stay awake.

“Guess she didn’t bother to wake you guys up either,” Harry says to himself, knowing the 3 and 4 year olds wouldn’t respond. Harry looks at the time on his phone, 4:36, the girls have been sleeping for 5 and a half hours. This will definitely fuck up their sleep schedule. He picks both girls up and pops them also on his hips, trudging down the stairs to be met with Louis playing with Bella on the living room floor. Harry places Gemma and Maren on the floor and grabs a box of Lucky Charms from the hardwood cupboard and tosses it next to the girls, hoping they would learn how to open it themselves.

“Harry!” Louis exclaims, standing from his  position in front of Bella’s bouncer, “You can’t just throw shit at them and expect them to eat it, help them!” Harry groans, sits down on the leather couch that costed more than the entire house itself, and throws pieces of Lucky Charms at the girls, who squeal with laughter and try to catch the bits in their mouth.

Harry falls asleep like this.

He wakes up tired. He also wakes up to a note taped to his forehead from Louis,

_Put the girls to bed around 10:30, I had to go home, sweet dreams buddy :) xx. Lou_

 

Harry looks at his phone screen again, _12:49 AM,_ Jesus Christ, he slept for hours. He goes to the fridge and opens it, grabbing a slice of cold pizza and going back to resume his spot on the couch, turning on the TV and watching reruns of Friends until sleep takes him again.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

**_Louis’s first boyfriend was when they were 15. His name was Michael. He was tall, lean, and he was sweet to him. He was a jock, captain of the wrestling team, so he was obviously popular and it made Harry sick to his stomach to see them walking the halls together; him holding his bag. ‘Don’t let him think you’re weak like that Lou. Don’t let him think of you as anything but strong.’ He would always think._ **

**_Michael was handsome to say the least, so it honestly wasn’t a shock to see him sucking the face of a freshman girl at a party in the middle of August, three months into their relationship. Harry saw Michael kissing the girl and he didn’t say anything-because Harry never says anything does he? He watches. Harry just watches. He watches as Michael and the girl walk up the stairs to the bedrooms, and he watches later as Michael waltzes back into the kitchen and puts his arm around Louis, as if to say ‘ Hey Lou, I just made out with some girl with boobs smaller than mine, and now I’m here to be the best boyfriend ever!’ He whispers something into Louis’s ear and he giggles, he kisses his neck and he giggles, all he ever does anymore is giggle when he’s around him and Harry hates it. He hates it when Michael calls him Lou, when he holds his hand, or kisses his cheek, or tells him he loves him, and he especially hates when he holds his bag for her. He stands next to Lou and he wants to lean into his ear and tell him that his boyfriend is an asshole, and he’s cheating on him, because he doesn’t appreciate you Lou! He doesn’t! Drop him and let’s go get fucked._ **

**_But Harry isn’t the type of person to do something like that, so he keeps quiet and downs another shot of who knows what. He wraps his arm around his shoulders, pushing Michael’s arm away, as if to tell him, ‘that’s right, bastard! He’s my best friend!’_ **

**_Michael shoots him daggers and Harry smiles the smile he is always complimented about._ **

**_“Let’s go upstairs, Lou,” Harry hears him whisper into his ear. Lou giggles and looks to Harry, who shakes his head. He pulls his ear down to her mouth and whispers, “Harry! I might have sex tonight!”_ **

**_“Not with him, Lou, please,” Harry pleads, locking eyes with Michael as he obnoxiously waits for Lou. “Please, not with him. He isn’t,” Harry stops again, looking at Michael’s grey eyes, “He isn’t who you think he is, El.”_ **

**_Louis stops at this, his eyes wide, “What do you-” He couldn’t finish his sentence because Michael was dragging him up the stairs, his arms wrapped around his waist, kissing his neck. He laughs and turns to kiss him deeply, before slipping his shoes off and putting them on the bottom step. He puts his hand on the small of his back and starts to lead him up the stairs. Harry can’t have this happen._ **

**_“Lou, no!” He yells across the music, it’s so loud he can’t hear him, so he skirts to the staircase, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back down the steps,_ **

**_“Harry! What are you doing?” Lou says with annoyance in his voice, “Can you just leave us alone?”_ **

**_Michael tries to intervene, putting his hand on Harry’s chest, pushing him back into the crowd of people._ **

**_“Come on man, go find another girl, this one’s mine,” Michael says as he nibbles on Louis’s ear. He laughs and pushes him away._ **

**_Maybe Harry’s drunk, or maybe it’s this cheaters hand on his chest, distancing him from his best friend, but something goes through Harry and then he’s punching Michael square in the jaw. Michael staggers for a moment, falling back against the wall. The music stops and a small circle of people have formed around the trio. Michael gets up from his position against the wall and yells what sounds like “What the hell, man?” Before lunging at Harry, colliding with his middle and pummeling him to the ground. Harry is too incoherent to realize what’s going on, he just feels bad for the girl he fell back on from the tackle. He tries to hit and fight back against Michael on top of him, but Michael grabs his wrists and pins them next to his head._ **

**_“He cheated! He cheated, Lou! Don’t be with him, Lou! He cheated!” Harry screams to Lou, who’s only a few feet away. Lou stops in his attempts to scream at Michael._ **

**_“He what?” He questioned, looking between the two of them._ **

**_“He cheated on you, with some freshman. Lou, he cheated and I saw it happen with my own eyes,” Harry tells him, now not yelling. Michael doesn’t like this and he backhands Harry across the cheek, spitting on him abruptly. Some girl, Harry thinks her name is Eleanor, is trying to shove Michael off of Harry, but he’s too big. She pries his hands from Harry’s wrists and asks Harry if he’s okay, he looks at her and says, “I don’t know,”_ **

**_“Is this true?” Louis asks Michael, “You cheated?” Michael is now just sitting on his stomach._ **

**_“I’m drunk, Lou. I don’t know what I’m doing, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” He gets up from Harry’s torso and reaches out to Lou, gently touching his cheek when a tear falls. Lou looks up from the floor, and slaps the absolute shit out of Michael Gregor._ **

**_“You asshole! To think I was gonna give it up to you tonight! You are so pathetic! I hate you, you piece of shit!” He tries to hit him and scratch him but he’s 5’8 on a good day and Michael’s like 6 foot even and buff. He grabs his shoulders and tries to get him to stop. Harry gets up from the floor finally and picks Louis up from behind, pulling him away from Michael and out of the house, they already caused too much of a scene._ **

**_Louis screams at the top of his lungs in Harry’s car. He knows he shouldn’t be driving, because he drove here illegally and he’s drunk which is even more illegal, but this was one of those things where you gotta do a bad thing for a good reason. He pulls over to the gas station by his house, and goes in it to buy two pints of chocolate ice cream, and a 6 pack of white gatorade. He pays the cashier without looking him in the eyes, and stumbles out the doorway into his car, where Louis is still crying._ **

**_“And the thing is, he even told me he had never done it before! Ha, jokes on him though! He only got some from a pre-pubescent freshman!” Louis is ranting as if he didn’t even realize Harry left. He laughs to him slightly, putting the car into drive and heading home, they both walk into the house to find Anne and Johannah sitting on the couch laughing about something with the baby Anne’s pregnant with._ **

**_“You guys, alright?” Johannah asks, brushing the hair out of her face, she always was gorgeous; Louis definitely got his looks from her._ **

**_“We’re just fine,” Harry replies, he can’t keep the smile off his face, Louis’s already up in his room, screaming into his pillow. Yeah it’s terrible to think, but now that Michael’s gone. Maybe Harry has a chance? “We’re gonna be fine.” He smiles again._ **

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The thing is Grant has a girlfriend.

 

Harry barely manages to decipher—through Louis's miserable sniffles—that Louis was just about to tell Grant how he felt about him when Grant's phone had chirped.

“Hold on a second, yeah, Louis?” Grant had asked, as he smiled at a text message. “I have a special visitor.”

And the door had opened to reveal a leggy brunette, hair curled flawlessly around her slender face, clear skin, cute pert nose, chocolatey brown eyes. She had practically launched herself at Grant, and Grant had smiled secretively, intimately, into her neck.

“I mean I'd seen pictures of her in his flat... but... This whole time I thought she was his sister. I thought they were related,” Louis moans, and he had—until they'd started making out. “He was just like, 'Hey Louis, this is my girlfriend Olivia,' and I was standing there like a bloody idiot, Harry.”

“Shh, it's alright,” Harry whispers, pulling Louis into an embrace. He makes a mental note to himself to pick up some extra pints of chocolate ice cream on his next trip to the grocery store because he's seen Louis through enough heartache to know that Louis is sure as hell gonna need it. “It's okay.”

“You must think I'm so stupid,” Louis mutters moodily, hot breath brushing over Harry's neck. Harry shivers, but Louis doesn't comment on it.

“I could never think that,” Harry replies, even though yeah, Louis probably should have realized the girl in all of Grant's pictures wasn't his sister. “I'm sorry,” he whispers, but he feels immensely relieved—which is wrong because he wants Louis to be happy, but now that Grant is out of the picture, there's less competition and more of a chance Louis might notice him.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

It's probably Harry's own fault that Louis doesn't fall for him next.

You see, after Grant, all Louis wants to do is lie around in bed and wallow in self-pity. He goes through six cartons of ice cream, two boxes of powdered doughnuts, and three rolls of chocolate biscuits (Harry knows this because he's the one who buys all the groceries), and Harry's pretty sure he's been wearing _his_ grey sweatpants for four days straight. Johannah is scared, constantly telling Harry to come over to try to help Louis out of this depression she put herself in.

And Harry can't have this. He misses Louis's dumb smile, full of beautiful, straight, white teeth. He misses how Louis laughs at the stupidest of things. He misses the easygoing Louis, the fun one, the one who will stuff Harry into a car at midnight to go out for a night on the town. He misses the adventures they have when the rest of the world is asleep, how they lie down in dry grass to look up at the stars.

He's not going to let one boy ruin Louis. Louis's in a rut, he knows—he's seen this before—but Harry's determined to get him out of it.

So he pulls Louis out of his bed by the ankles. Louis complains the entire way, but Harry tosses him into the shower and turns on the cold water at full blast, smirking when the moans turn into a steady stream of curses. Louis calls him every four-letter word under the sun, and Harry just smiles, thinking Louis might be on his way back up.

Harry forces Louis down the road to a party. Louis doesn't feel like drinking or partying for that matter, but Harry grabs him a drink and sits him down anyway, fully intent on getting his best friend back. Louis already looks better, face at least clean and full of makeup, and he has no doubt that getting Louis drunk will help. They'll talk it through, have a laugh, and everything will be back to normal. They'll be back to Harry and Louis—maybe, Harry lets himself believe, maybe even more than that, and they'll forget all about the boy with cinnamon hair and blue eyes who broke Louis's heart.

________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Harry, he’s looking at me,” Louis whispers not so quietly, drunk on his third who knows what _,_ “Look at him!” He points across the dim lit room, Harry follows his finger and his eyes land on a boy, maybe 17? He’s gorgeous, he’s got these brown eyes, and his jawline is basically perfect, he’s got no sign of stubble, and his face looks soft. His hair isn’t styled, or maybe it’s styled to look not styled, but it’s a really, really, curly and has this beautiful brown color, like chesnut. He’s really damn tall, like 6’3 maybe 6’4. He is gorgeous. And he’s staring right at Louis, with no trying to not look obvious, he’s just staring right at him.

“He so is not looking at you,” Harry lies, because Louis CANNOT get his heart broken again, especially by a guy who’s so good looking, Harry would go gay for him. The boy stands from the couch he’s sitting on, and walks over to Louis and Harry, he sits down way too close to Louis and whispers something in his ear that he laughs to.

“Louis, but you can call me Lou,” He says back, hand clutching onto Harry’s next to him as if to say _‘oh my god Harry I can’t believe this hot ass guy is talking to me oh my god’_. And Harry’s mad because no, he can’t call her Lou, Harry can call her Lou, no one else. Lou is Harry’s name for Louis, no one else. This guy, who Harry still doesn’t know the name of, asks Louis if he wanted to get outta here. Louis looks like he was about to say yes but he stops, looking at Harry,

“Well, I can’t just leave my friend here,” He says to Mr. Handsome. He gruffs in annoyance and looks around the room,

“Hey Nora!” He yells across the already loud room, a girl sticks her head up and he nods for her to come over. “Nora can keep him company,” he explains.

Nora has thick, curly red hair, big lips, and lots of freckles, she’s pretty. She’s wearing some skimpy outfit with shoes that do not go with it, and Harry looks to Louis in disbelief. He isn’t actually gonna leave Harry for this guy?

“Harry, is this okay?” Louis says, looking down to Harry, who’s still sitting on the leather couch. He was biting his lip in a way that made him look nervous, and Harry wishes he could say no but Harry can never say no. He nods his head and sighs as he watches Louis and the Mystery Guy leave the house, his hand on his lower back.

Nora makes herself comfortable on Harry’s lap and starts to kiss his neck. Harry obviously doesn’t know what to do, being the awkward kid he is. He tries to push her shoulders off of him, but she just grabs his hands and puts them on her boobs. He moves his hands again and grabs the sides of her face, pushing it off of him.

“What’s wrong?” Nora questions, eyes wide. Harry moves his hands from her head to her shoulder, in case she tries to go down on him again.

“Nothing!” Harry exclaims, “I just don’t really wanna do this,”

“Why not? Am I like ugly or something?” She asks, hands on Harry’s sides clutching his waist, hard. He squirms,

“No, no, you’re-you’re really beautiful, I just- I’m not ready for this,” He says lamely, he feels like such a loser, but he doesn’t wanna lose it to someone he doesn’t even know!

“You like him?” Nora asks, smile growing on her face, Harry realizes she seems a lot older than him, maybe 19.

“Lou? Pfft, no, yeah he’s my best friend and all but, no,” He starts, Nora covers his mouth with her hand.

“You totally like him! Oh my god, I knew something was up when they walked out together and you were just like watching them! So cute, you are adorable!” Nora squeezes his cheeks and runs her hand through his hair. “Seriously though, you should go for him, that guy he went off with, he’s an ass. He has literally slept with every girl at this party, he’s pretty much a manwhore,” She explains, grabbing Harry’s drink from the side table and taking a sip. Harry grabs his phone from his side pocket, to see three texts from Louis.

_Oh my god I cannot believe what’s happening_

_Harry I am LITERALLY in his car right now with him_

_Tell my mom I just crashed at Taylor’s for the night, I’ll call you tomorrow morning xx_

 

Harry groans, and attempts to get up, but Nora pushes him back down, still sitting on his lap.

“Are you gonna go save him?” Nora questions, hands on Harry’s chest, pushing him down.

Harry obviously doesn’t want to do this right now so he mumbles a ‘yeah’ and get up from his seat, Nora taking his spot.

“Good luck, babes! Sorry it didn’t work out tonight!” He hears her call as he’s walking out the door to his car. He gets in and it smells like Louis.

Harry cries that night.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The mysteries guys name is Clark.

And he’s an Aero Science Major, studying at Watson University for the Gifted in Santa Ana, California, about 20 miles North of Harry’s house. He’s 19, lives on his own, and has two puppies. And to Lou he is the most dreamy boy in the world.

“He’s just so mature and sweet and yeah I know he’s well known around here, but no one knows the side of him I know,” Louis gushes, bouncing Bella on his lap while Harry plays “Airplane” with the girls. He’s smiling that way too big smile again. Harry is trying to lift Maren into the air, but she wasn’t cooperating and stepped on his face.

“Holy mother of-” he starts, clutching his face and groaning, Louis laughs and Harry decides it’s worth it to be hurt if it makes him smile. “He seems like a player though,” he continues after the pain of his injury went down.

“Well, he told me that he used to mess around a lot, but he’s grown up. He’s a mature adult, Harry! I swear you have to meet him he’s so great,” he rambles.

“I did meet him, remember? You left me with that bird at some guys party to go get handsy with Mr. Hotness and Maturity.” Harry states coldly. Louis looks at him in apology.

“Yeah, sorry about that, guess I was drunk or something-” he whispers, looking down at his lap, setting Bella down in her playpen. Harry doesn’t like it when he isn’t happy so he adds a,

“Yeah drunk in love,” Louis looks to him and an unwanted smile grows on his face. He jumps from the couch onto Harry and they play fight on the floor, Harry eventually winning because 5’8 vs 6’0: who do you think is gonna win? Harry pins him arms to the ground much like Michael did to him all those years ago and for a moment the world isn’t so bad anymore. Anne is finally out of bed and at Johannah’s house, the girls aren’t crying, and here Harry is, with the most beautiful and unbeautiful boy in the world.

“I wouldn’t mind marrying you,” He blurts out, panting loudly. He can’t believe he just said that but he doesn’t want to take it back. Louis looks at him confused, his face just looks so beautiful, and Harry wants to kiss him right there in a total not gay way. But Harry lacks courage and he just isn’t that type of guy to sweep someone off their feet and make them swoon because, well, he doesn’t know why. It’s not like he’s ugly, afraid of rejection, he knows he’s well on the good side of handsome and anyone he asked to date would more than likely say yes. Harry is just timid. He doesn’t like being the center of attention. He’s a pushover and he can’t say no, he just wants other people to be happy and he never speaks his mind unless he’s with Louis because he’s scared. But in this moment, right now, Louis has never looked so good and his lips have never been so kissable and Harry realizes he’s just staring at him and he is just staring at him, neither saying anything.

“I’ll tell you what,” he starts, “If both of us aren’t married by 30, we’ll marry each other. You’ll be my backup, yeah?” And Harry wants to scream ‘ _YEAH, OF COURSE YEAH. LET’S GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM GOING TO LOVE YOU THE BEST.”_ But he’s Harry so he keeps quiet, nods, releases Louis and goes back to playing with Maren and Gemma.

He wishes for once he could be spontaneous.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

**_Louis is twelve when his mom gets remarried._ **

**_It's not that he doesn't like Brent—far from that, Brent is nice and charming and Johannah really seems to like him—but it means that his parents really aren't ever going to get back together, and now he has to learn how to call someone else Dad._ **

**_He and Harry watch for a month as her mum flutters around, all excited smiles and shy blushes and bright-eyed over dress designs and flower arrangements and cake samples, and they can only be happy for her—because Louis loves his mum and if Brent makes her happy than he’s happy._ **

**_But this doesn’t make it any less awkward when the day of the wedding finally arrives. Harry’s dressed up in a little charcoal suit and light blue vest to match the groom (Johannah's idea), and he escorts Louis down the aisle as they take their places amongst the rest of the wedding party. Louis’s mom is a vision in a flowing white gown with a sweetheart neckline, and Louis looks mature and lovely in her light blue vest that matches Harry's._ **

**_It's uncomfortable standing still for that long though—Harry's feet ache in his new, shiny leather shoes—but he remembers to smile when he looks across the altar and sees Louis. Louis beams at him, brown hair and cheeks rosy in excitement, as he squirms next to whoever Johannah’s made of honor is. Harry has to bite his lip to keep from bursting out in laughter when Louis pulls a face—blue eyes crossed and tongue waggling—and remembers that he's supposed to be paying attention. He turns back just in time to see Johannah start to cry as Brent slips a delicate, silvery ring onto her finger._ **

**_Harry opens his mouth in a whoop to join in with everyone at the wedding, and when he glances across the altar to her again, Louis meets his eyes automatically. He smiles, teeth bright and eyes crinkled up at the sides, and Harry thinks the day won't be so bad after all._ **

**_______________________________ **

**_Louis is just about the only thing that makes the reception bearable. It's at a beautiful venue, a hardwood dance platform placed in the middle of a lush, green lawn, and white lanterns with golden strung lights hang above, but Harry, miserable in his tight shoes and his tie, has no appreciation for the results of painstaking wedding planning. He has relatives of Louis he doesn't even know coming up to him, pinching his cheeks and crooning over how cute he is and how big he's gotten, because to the Tomlinson family, Harry really is one of theirs. And despite Louis's teasing titters as he mimics his great-aunt Ethel and how she pokes Harry's dimples, he's glad Louis's here._ **

**_Harry and Louis manage to escape and crawl under the dessert table, hidden from view by the white tablecloth. There's a plate of chocolate cupcakes on the ground between them, mostly smushed with frosting everywhere. Louis's eaten the majority of them, but Harry doesn't mind._ **

**_“Do you think I'm gonna get a new dad too?” Harry then asks, bright-eyed, as he licks chocolate frosting off his fingers. He peeks out curiously from under the thick tablecloth at the adults making small talk. A surge of affection and sympathy runs through him when he remembers how torn up Louis had been when his parents got divorced, and he leans down to rest his head on his shoulder._ **

**_“Maybe,” he notes quietly, wrapping his arm around Harry's waist, “do you want one?”_ **

**_Harry shrugs, jostling Louis's head. Louis just inches in closer to him, knowing that the silence means he is thinking the question over._ **

**_“I don't know,” Harry admits, glancing down sadly at the crumpled cupcake wrapper in his hands. He tosses it to the side and brushes cake crumbs off of his dress pants. “I miss my dad. And Mum never wants to play catch with me, she just sleeps all day sometimes now. But she keeps going out every night, so maybe that means she’ll find someone soon.”_ **

**_Louis nods, knowing that Harry hasn't seen his dad since his parents got divorced. And offers Harry the last cupcake._ **

**_Harry grins brightly, all serious talk evidently tossed to the side, and has just managed to stuff the whole cupcake into his mouth when the tablecloth flips up. Both Harry and Louis yelp in surprise when an exasperated Lottie, Louis’s older sister, looks down at them, her shiny chestnut brown hair twisted up in a loose bun. She frowns at both of them, rolling her eyes at the chocolate frosting smeared across their lips._ **

**_“Mom's been looking everywhere for you guys,” Lottie sighs, reaching down to pull them up by their wrists. “Come on then, everyone's dancing.”_ **

**_She shepherds them to the dance floor, and promptly leaves to join a boy who's evidently the son of Brent's family friend. His name is Tom Daley and he's got dreamy eyes and a sexy smile and a cute butt—or at least that's what Harry and Louis read in her diary._ **

**_Harry stands around awkwardly, shuffling on his feet because he doesn't really know how to dance and he doesn't really want to dance and there's really no one to dance with him anyways, but the next thing he knows, Louis's elbowing him in the side and sending him a contagious smile._ **

**_“Wanna dance with me?” Louis asks, lifting his hand to Harry's in offering._ **

**_Harry looks in disbelief from Louis's face to his hand and back again before answering, eyebrow quirked and cheeks dimpled._ **

**_He leans forward to impulsively grab Louis's hand himself before dragging her to the very center of the dance floor. Harry grins, taking Louis's other hand and pulling them into an incredibly off-beat dance that's more them hopping around and spinning in circles than actual dancing. He giggles, and Louis tosses back his head and laughs his rich, breathy laugh._ **

**_Their cheeks are flushed from the night air and from their laughter when the upbeat music slows down to a soft, romantic melody. Harry starts to walk off the dance floor, when Louis grabs his wrist,_ **

**_“Wherw are you going” He questions, frosting still around his lips._ **

**_“It’s a slow song,” Harry explains, rolling his eyes, Louis still looks as he doesn’t get it, “Boys can’t dance with boys at slow songs!”_ **

**_“Says who?” Louis crosses his arms across his chest, looking a little angry. Harry tries to come back with an answer but can’t think of anything, who really said boys can’t dance slow with boys? He takes his answer as good enough and walks back, grabbing Louis by the hands. Louis starts to unravel his sticky, chocolatey fingers from Harry, but Harry pulls him in closer, loosely looping his arms around Louis's waist in an imitation of the people around them. Louis catches on soon enough, hands hesitantly rising to rest on Harry's shoulders, and he looks suddenly different, shyer, in the light. He hooks his chin over Harry's shoulder as they spin in slow circles, he hugs the brunette even tighter, glad with every fiber of his being, that Louis is his best friend._ **

**_“Harry look,” Louis whispers, his nose brushing through Harry's curls, “they're all kissing.”_ **

**_Harry glances around the dance floor, noticing that Louis is right. All the older couples are kissing, sweet pecks being exchanged between secretive, intimate looks; even Lottie kisses Tom, a bashful flush dusting her cheeks, her eyes sparkling._ **

**_“Must be the song,” Harry reasons, eyes turning away embarrassedly._ **

**_Louis nods against his shoulder before pulling back to look Harry in the eye, his own cheeks candy apple red. He's close enough that their noses brush when he speaks, and Harry can smell the sugar on Louis's breath, the scent of familiarity and home that he's always associated with Louis._ **

**_“Whaddya think kissing feels like?” There's an innocent wonder swimming in his large, cerulean eyes, long lashes dusting shadow across his lightly freckled cheeks._ **

**_Harry licks his lips uncertainly, suddenly nervous as he casts another glance around the dance floor. He tries his best not to stumble over his words when he whispers, “Why don't we find out?”_ **

**_There's no uncomfortable pause when he leans in, meeting Louis's lips in an innocent kiss. It's a bit awkward—Harry doesn't think their noses should be bumping this much—and it's over quickly, but Louis tastes like chocolate and boy, and when Harry leans back, he can't help but smile at the full blown toothy grin Louis has splayed on his lips._ **

**_Harry thinks to say something, but he doesn't get the chance to as the song changes and Louis pulls them into a jig that has him laughing so hard he's almost crying._ **

**_Later that night when they're returning home, and Harry's nodding off in the car as his mom drives, she turns around from the driver's seat to look at him. She squeezes his knee affectionately, a warm smile on her face. “Harry, honey, thank you for a wonderful evening. Did you have a good time?”_ **

**_Harry thinks about a whirlwind of lights and dark brown hair and laughs and chocolate and his best friend. He thinks about secretive smiles and a first kiss he's lost and a first kiss he's gained, and he nods yes._ **

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Clark is everything Louis needs.

Harry hates it because if Clark is all she needs, where does he fit in?

Nora told him that Clark was a manwhore, sleeping with every girl, partying all the time, but he is the polar opposite. ‘He’s more mature now than he was then,’ Louis always responds with.

He’s well dressed, good looking, and he’s smart. Like, really smart. He’s majoring in Aerospace and Science, so he’s gotta be well on the side of genius. Nevermind the fact that he attends a college for gifted individuals. He is perfect. From all the times that Harry has been with him, he’s never messed up, never said the wrong thing or even looked slightly less than a million bucks. He makes Louis happy, and at the end of the day, all Harry wants is his happiness. He’s always smiley and happy when he’s around and he’s so polite and such a gentleman. Harry wants to hate him but he can’t, because he’s flawless. He’s even good with children for god's sake! He’s basically attached at Louis’s hip, so when -he’s over at Harry’s, helping with the kids, Clark’s there too. Harry watches with a monotone expression as Clark bounces Bella on his lap, making her laugh and smile. He’s interrupted with the footsteps of his mother, walking down the steps. She’s dressed in a gorgeous black dress, and Harry’s happy because she finally isn’t all sad and sleepy anymore. Sure, she has her days; last Tuesday she wouldn’t get out of bed and ate an entire box of powdered donuts, but we all mess up sometimes.

“You look beautiful, Mom,” Harry smiles, Anne kissing his cheek.

“Thank you love. You sure you got the kids tonight? Me and Johannah might be out late,” she asks, looking for her purse. Johannah is taking her out on a blind date with some guy named David. Johannah wouldn’t set Mom up with someone who wasn’t less than perfect so Harry is nervous, as he usually was when Anne went out, years ago. Harry spots the lavender Cher Russell sitting on the counter, right in front of Anne. He looks at her for a second, wondering why she didn’t see it right away; before grabbing it and handing it to her.

“I’ll be fine, nothing I haven’t been through before,” he states, he didn’t mean to be cold but Anne looks at him with rude eyes. He doesn’t say anything because it's true; Anne wasn’t meant to be a mother, but she is, that’s that. Harry doesn’t blame her; she didn’t want it to be like this, she’s young at heart. That’s not a bad thing, it never was. He just wishes he had a parental figure in his life, maybe everything would have turned out different. “You should get going, reservations at 7.”

Anne checks her phone and sighs, “I’m not too old for this am I?”

Harry laughs, “Never.”

Anne smiles and rubs his arm, she walks out into the living room, kissing the head of every kid in the room, even Clark.

“I love you all!” She exclaims, the girls giggling as they wave bye, Anne walks out the door and Harry hopes everything goes well.

“She looks well, Harry, I’m glad she’s getting better,” Louis smiles, pausing his game of ‘Tickle’ with Gemma. Harry smiles in response,

‘Yeah, she really is isn’t she?’

Harry eventually falls asleep on his second bed, the couch, and wakes up to the dull sound from the TV. He opens his eyes slightly, scanning the room. Louis and Clark are cuddled under a blanket on the couch adjacent to him, watching some horror movie. Harry assumes the girls are sleeping.

“I’m gonna go check on Bella,” Harry states, getting up from his warm position on the couch. He takes another look at the image of Louis, his Louis, and Clark, on his couch. Louis meets his eyes with wonder, he looks like he’s about to say something but he doesn’t. He feels sick to his stomach and he walks up the stairs to Bella’s room. She’s sleeping in her crib, clean and in her pajamas. Harry hates babies, but he doesn’t hate Bella. He knows you’re not supposed to wake babies when they’re sleeping, but he needs someone to hold, or he’ll cry. Harry hates crying.

He picks up Bella from her slumber, she squirms, eyes opening and she starts to whine.

“Shh,” he soothes, “I’m here, Bell, it’s okay, I’m here,” He cuddles her into the crook of his neck and sits down the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She touches his face and looks at him with wonder, she has the most beautiful green eyes. Harry loves her. “I’m not so bad am I?” He questions, knowing he won’t get a response, “I mean I know I mess up a lot and I do bad things and maybe it’s not good that I’m in love with Lou and she has a boyfriend, but I can’t help it because she was mine first, right?” He rambles, a tear slipping down his face. Bella reaches her hand to touch it, he laughs. “You’re so lucky, Bell. You got your whole life ahead of you; you have a million decisions to make and all the time in the world to make them.” He closes his eyes and uses his free hand to rub his face. “I could love her the best. And she doesn’t even know it! She’s always with these assholes who are way too perfect and when they break her heart, I’m the only one there to pick up the pieces!” He stops, leaning his head back, Bella cuddles back into his neck, closing her eyes. Harry feels her little breath on his neck and whispers,

“I just want to be okay again.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Harry wakes up by Louis walking into the room. He still has Bella on his, sleeping.

“Why’d you leave last night?” He questions, hair messy and eyes tired.

“Where’s Clark?”

“He had to go home, answer my question, Harry.” He puts her hands on his hips, making a statement that he’s serious. “I wanted to hang out with you, it seems like we never do that anymore. Just us.” Harry sets Bella in her crib.

He wants to say,

‘Just us? You want it to be just us? Leave the boyfriend at home and be my best friend again, then.’  But Harry would never say this to Louis because he isn’t like that. Instead he replies with a, “Wasn’t feeling well, I guess.” Louis stares at him for a second before walking out with no response.  

Harry quickly walks after her, because if he knows anything about anyone, it’s that you always go after them. He grabs Louis’s wrist right as he’s about to walk down the stairs. He whips around,

_“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”_

His words were harsh. He had this look in his eyes that he hadn’t seen since Michael. He glared at him with absolute hared, “It’s like you don’t even care anymore. You’re never around, and even when we hang out, you act so different, what is wrong with you? Do you not like me anymore, or?” he then continues to walk down the stairs, Harry trailing closely behind,

“What do you mean? Of course I love you Louis, you’re my best friend-” he tries, stumbling over the last step, slippery with orange juice from Gemma and Maren.

“Save it,” he fights back, pushing Harry away from where he was standing in front of him. He grabs his wrist again, trying to get him to not leave him like this! He turns around fast. He presses him against the wall, still glaring. “I know you hated Michael, and Grant, and Liam,” she shivers as she says his name. “You’ve hated all my other boyfriends, you even hate yourself, Harry. God, get a life, stop obsessing over mine.” He backs up away from the wall, now Harry is mad.

“Stop obsessing over you? I’m the one who fucking saves you every damn time! You get the literal scum of the earth to date you, then they do something, and I have to come save you! Every fucking time! You get a life, Louis, stop looking for a relationship at parties were everyone's too high to even know what they're saying!” He yells.

He stares at him for a long time, before reaching over and slapping him, hard, in the face.

“Don’t talk to me again.” He spits. His voice is cold. He is cold. He’s shaking and Harry has just not noticed he has tears on his cheeks and he reaches across and touches his cheek and he slaps him again. “Stop talking to me!” He screams, tears spilling everywhere.

“Why aren’t you leaving then?!” Harry yells back, Harry never yells. Tears start flowing even faster down Louis’s face.

“I don’t know!” He screams, Harry hears Bella crying in her room. Then they just stare at each other for what feels like forever, until Harry breaks the silence,

“I keep watching you fall in love with the wrong people,” he breathes, “Do you know how hard that is?” Harry's hands are shaking and Harry himself is shaking. He rubs his face with his hands and listens to Bella’s sobs quiet.

“Mom is getting better and the girls are growing up and everything is finally right and then you come in with Clark and his dogs and his stupid smartness and I am so sick of it! Fuck this! Fuck this life!” He yells. He realizes there are tears on his face and he wipes them viciously.

“This is about, Clark? You hate Clark?” he screams, “What a fucking surprise! Never heard that one before, Harry Styles, hating another one of my boyfriends! Whatever shall I do?” He snarls back viciously, sarcastically, this is not Louis. “It’s like all you are is this boy who everyone sees as so sweet and kind, and gentle, but you are filled with so much hate! I’m the only one who knows you, Harry! Cherish me.” He turns and walks out the door, his coat is still on the couch. Harry stands in the doorway for 16 minutes until he finally sits down on the hardwood floor and closes his eyes. He feels tiny hands on him and sees Gemma and Maren around him.

“What wrong?” Gemma asks, resting her head on his stomach. Maren lays on his shoulder. Harry sighs, curling his arm around them both.

“Only everything.”

________________________________________________________________________________________

Louis doesn’t talk to Harry for 3 months.

Those three months consist of Harry waking up, going to school, coming home, and going to bed.

_Eat, Sleep, Breathe, Survive_

He tells himself this and maybe he’s being dramatic but Louis’s got some of the most beautiful eyes in the world and Harry hasn’t seen them for 91 days.

91 sleeps without him. 91 times Harry wakes up and his heart hurts.

He texts Louis about a million times, all of the times he was apologizing, except for one;

_‘I know you’re never going to talk to me again, but just know that if I literally die of loneliness, I still love you’_

He read it as 4:29 AM.

Harry comes home from school one day, ready to go to bed again, when he is met with his mom with her keys in her hand and purse on shoulder.

“Get in the car.” She states, walking past him to the garage,

“Why?”

“I’m taking you to a therapist.”

 

The car ride there was long, sure it was only 15 minutes, but the silence tripled that time.

“The girls understand things like this, you know?” His mom states, cold. “Maren came into my bed last night and asked me if you were gonna die and I asked her why and she said that all you did was cry and that’s what her friends mom did before she died. She committed suicide, Harry.” She says, more than cold, furious. “What is going on?”

The question is rhetorical. At least, Harry likes to think it was. His mom grabs his hand and squeezes it, “I love you, sweets, this will help I promise.” With that she turns the car off, gets out, and struts inside; Harry close behind.

 

“Harold Edward Styles,” She says to the secretary, who types furiously at the 2001 monitor in front of her, she looks him up and down. _So it begins,_ Harry thinks.

 

5 minutes later Harry is sat in front of a 35 year old woman named Morgan. She seemed nice and looked nice. Not a nice, nice, like a ‘I have three kids and I will sue but behind your back and then pretend I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ nice.

 

“Harold Edward Styles. I’ll call you Harry, that’s what you go by, yeah?” She mumbles as she reads his file, Harry has to remind himself it was a rhetorical question. “Have you filled out a mental illness document, yet, Harry?” He likes the way she says his name. He shakes his head, and she smiles, “Okay, we’ll do that first then.” She walks to her desk to grab the file and Harry looks around the room. Lavender desk chair, lavender couch, teal pillows, and grey walls. She had these cheesy inspirational pictures on her walls and they were really dumb but it made Harry smile anyway. She sits back down on her grey/black chair and leans back, just looking at Harry, file in hand. “I’m going to ask you a series of questions and you’re gonna answer them as best as you can. Does that sound like sometime you can do, Harry?” She says gently, this makes him a little angry because he isn’t some fragile human being. He’s pretty damn sad, but he’s always been sad and now people notice? He nods again, lips shut tight.

“What school do you attend, Harry?”

“Winston Prep up in Santa Ana.” He says monotone, these kinds of questions? Oh great.

“Do you have many friends?”

“Yeah, but none that I actually like.” Harry says this without looking her in the eyes, his hand squeezing what he assumes is an anger management or anxiety toy that she has for her patients.

 _‘I’m a patient, now.’_ Harry thinks. He puts the ball down.

“What do you mean by that?” Her voice is so kind, Harry wonders how she could be in such a good mood when all she does is listen to problems she doesn’t actually care about.

“They’re just assholes, I guess, not the people I want to be around.”

“What is your current level of anxiety at this moment, on a scale of one to ten?” Harry shrugs nervously,

“Maybe like, a 6.” Harry turns away; he wants to leave and he wants to leave now.

They go on like this for an hour. Her asking him questions and him answering them.

She walks him out of the room and down the plain hallway with a light hand on his lower back. He moves away from her touch and she stops. His mom is still sitting outside, she comes in to talk to Morgan and they discuss Harry for about 15 minutes.

He hears her utter the words “anxiety” and “depression” and “medication”. Harry wants to puke. If he actually was depressed, then he has been depressed his whole life and no one’s noticed till now.

_________

Anne picks up the new medication at the nearest Walgreens, and they head home.

“Harry, I have something to tell you-” She starts, putting the car into drive and pulling out of the lot. Harry holds his breathe.

“Me and David are seeing each other.” She says, flat. “I am telling you this because he is going to be at the house when we get home, and I just I want you to be okay with it, the girls won't understand, and if they see you being fine with it, they'll adjust good.”

Harry leans his head against the window and wonders if the day could get any worse.

David is tall, and buff. He's got blonde hair, and a very defined face. He has a nice smile, and smiles at Harry as he walks into the house; he is sitting on a stool, he's probably waiting for Anne. He gets up fast and goes to Anne, kissing her fast. He then sticks his hand out to Harry, who blows it off and walks up stairs. He hears Anne defending him, ‘ _he's had a rough day, he's recently lost his best friend’_

No, he thinks, she's not lost, she's choosing to not be with me.

He lays in his bed and his heart hurts so bad and everything just is all hurt and he wants it to stop so he takes those pills that were prescribed to him and they don’t do anything.

 

He’s sitting in Bella’s room with her, she’s sleeping on his lap and he’s just sitting there and his phone is in the other room, and even if he had it with him he wouldn’t go on it because everything reminds him of Louis.

He’s thinking really hard when David comes into the room. He leans on the doorway for a few minutes and just stands there.

“You know I’m gonna be here for a while,” he states, his voice is so deep, it fits him. “You’re gonna have to get used to me. I know that you’re used to being the only boy in the family, so it’s gonna be different, but you gotta learn your place, I’ll be man of the house soon.” Harry thinks he hates him.

“Just cause you’re fucking my mom doesn’t mean you’re apart of the family. Learn _your_ place.” Harry says as he sets a sleeping Bella back into her crib. David backs Harry up against the wall, his breath smells like shit. His face about 3 inches away from Harry’s.

“I can make your life a living hell if I want to, little man.” He whispers. Harry smirks at this he’s 6’2and this piece of shit is barely 5’7, “little man” is not the right term. And because this guy is another scum of the earth just like every other boyfriend Anne has had. David pinches his cheek and slaps it lightly, before walking out of the room, downstairs to Anne.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“How have you been feeling lately, on a scale of 1 to 10?” Morgan asks, her hair is tied into a perfect bun, her face covered in makeup, and she’s wearing a bright yellow cardigan with olive green jeans, and a grey top. She has her right leg folded over her left, and Harry wonders how girls can do that.

“Probably a 9,” he says, playing with his fingers.

“What’s going on? You can tell me anything, that’s what I’m here for.”

“I don’t know, everything maybe?” He whispers. Morgan takes note of the way his hair was uncombed, his shirt half unbuttoned, and the way he has two different shoes on. Like he got dressed in a rush. “It’s like everything is so lonely now, all I can think about it her, she hates me so much, and it just hurts.”

“Her, being Louis, your best friend?” Morgan asks, brows raised and scribbling on her notepad. Harry shrugs,

“It’s like she was more than that, it’s like she was my soulmate, in a best friend kind of way, you know?”

“Did you ever think of her as more than a best friend?” Morgan asked, her large glasses perched low on her nose and she looks up at him.

“Well of course, I mean, she’s gorgeous, and she’s like my best friend, why wouldn’t I fall in love with her?”

“And what about your mom, you said she got a new boyfriend, Bruce?” Harry cringes at this, and whispers a,

“It’s David, and he’s alright, I guess.” Harry muttered. Morgan goes onto ask him multiple questions about David and his mom; Harry hates himself for lying. Harry hates David, he hates Clark, and Morgan, and Michael, Grant, Liam, and every other damn boyfriend Louis has ever had.

He hates himself the most.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Harry drives to Louis’s house on the 3rd month of him not talking to Harry, it’s like 4 in the morning and he’s crying really hard because Louis hates him and David hates him, and his mom is gonna get hurt again. Gemma got sent home from preschool last week because she kept saying the “N word”, something that she’s learned from David. Harry and his mom fought for hours that night, ending with Harry telling her he wanted to die and her taking the girls and sleeping in her bed with the door locked.

Harry loves his mom. She just doesn’t know how to be a mom.

Harry is sitting out on the curb in his car next to Louis’s house, he is sobbing. It’s pouring rain and Harry doesn’t miss the way it pounds against the window of Louis’s front wall. They had spent multiple sleepovers cowering in the corner after watching a horror movie, terrified of the rain outside, hitting the window with force.

 

Harry wants that Louis back. Not this Louis, with his and the way that he smiles big, and all of his boy problems, and none of them involve Harry until he gets himself involved. Harry promised Louis he would never let him get hurt by a boy again after Liam, but here he is, hurting Louis. He walks up to the front door of his house, knocking lightly, so only Louis would hear. His room is right next to the foyer and Harry knows this because Louis’s house is like his home. He feels _at_ home in it. But he’s been gone for so long and he doesn’t even remember what color the lounge walls are, or if the kitchen swing door still squeaks like it used to. He hears footsteps walking to the door, it opens slowly and there stands Louis.

“Harry-” he starts,

“What would you say if I told you I missed you a real fucking lot?” Harry blurts, he is soaking wet and feels like an idiot but it’s okay because he is seeing his Louis, “Like a lot; like a, I can’t sleep at night until I know you don’t hate me, lot,” Harry is panting and he doesn’t know why. Louis already has tears in his eyes.

“It took you 3 months!” Louis screams. The tears in his eyes now on his cheeks. “3 months for you to get your lazy ass up and walk the fuck over here! I don't care about texts or voicemails or you waving to me in the hallway when it's convenient! It took you 3 months to actually drive the 2 miles to my house and love me again!” His voice wavers and he is now standing in the pouring rain too.

“I never stopped loving you! Those 3 months, the only thing I was thinking about was you!” Harry yells back. He doesn't want to yell because this is how everything got started in the first place but sometimes you just need to scream. Louis stops. His eyes still red rimmed and his hair is so perfect when it's wet and he closes the space in between him and Harry. He wraps his arms around his middle and buries his face in Harry’s chest.

Harry missed that.

“Nothing has been right. These last few months, everything's just been so wrong,” Louis sniffs. Harry thinks he loves him. He looks up at him and grabs his face with his palms and just looks at him. “I love you so much, Harry Styles.” He whispers, hugging him again. Harry sighs hard and hugs him back, he smells like Clark and Harry wonders if Clark is back in Louis’s bed, sleeping, or not sleeping. They had been dating for 6 months and Harry hates it because Clark is perfect. He brushes the thought out of his head and hugs Louis harder.

Harry knows even though he has him back, nothing’s gonna be the same again.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

If there is one person Harry has to hate the most, it would be David.

His mom and David have been dating for 4 months. And David makes his mom happy, but he is not what she needs. He sleeps over every night, and he basically lives at the house. He’s way too buff, and such an absolute asshole. He has the biggest potty mouth of anyone that Harry has met, and Harry knows this because the girls are starting to be influenced by everything he says, and it’s fucking scary.

Harry is putting the girls to bed when he first hears it.

“It’s not my fault you got knocked up four different times! Four fucking mistakes!” David screams. Bella looks at him with wide eyes. She’s getting so old now, almost a year. Harry looks at her with the same expression and walks over to Gemma and Maren’s room. They are sitting in Maren’s bed, cuddling with each other.

“I’m gonna put Bella here for a little bit,” Harry whispers, “Sing to each other or something till I come back,” He kissed Bella’s forehead and sets her on Gemma’s comforter. “Don’t come out of this room,” He says, stern, the two older girls nod. Harry walks down the short hallway and down the hardwood stairs. He hears the yelling coming from the kitchen. He pushes the swing door open only to be met with the sight of his mom, screaming at David, who has her trapped in the corner of the counter.

“I swear to God, David,” She yells again, David screams something incoherent back, before slapping her across the face in anger. Harry runs at him, pulling him back and just trying to hit him anywhere. David is way too strong though, he basically lifts Harry up and shoves him onto the counter, against the cabinets. Harry’s head slaps hard against the wood, and his sight goes blurry for a second. He realizes that Anne is trying to pull David off the him, tugging at his waist and screaming. Harry kicks David in the crotch and slides off the counter, wobbly on his feet. He grabs onto the sink for support, but David backhands him across the face, sending him to the floor. Anne is screaming and crying and yelling at David to stop it. David gets on top of Harry, pinning his arms down, just like Michael did that night once upon a time. He hears other voices, it sounds like Louis, his mom Johannah, Clark, and Brent. Harry remembers that they were coming over tonight for dinner.

‘ _Great timing.’_ He thinks.

He feels another punch land on his cheek, and David is yelling stuff Harry cannot make out. David’s weight is then lifted off of him and he can breathe again, he feels Johannah and Louis touching his face and sitting around him, Johannah is asking him questions he cannot decipher, and Louis is just pulling him to himself and hugging him. Brent and, with some help from Clark,  has David pressed against the fridge, magnets and pictures scattering the ground, Anne kneels down next to Harry, kissing his forehead over and over again. She is crying. She pushes his face into her neck and cries for a long time. Harry cries too, because it hurts and everything hurts and yeah he’s got Louis back but _it still hurts,_ and it still feels wrong; he uses this time to cry about stuff not even pertaining to David. He cries about everything.

Anne never talks to David again after that. For the first time ever, she chose Harry over her boyfriend.

Maybe she is meant to be a mom.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

**_Liam was by far the worst boyfriend Louis has ever had. He was sweet, kind, gentle, at first. He always laughs at Harry’s jokes and Harry thinks he likes him for a little while._ **

**_Harry can understand why Louis loves him. They were 16 and Sophomores and Liam is a Junior athlete. He runs track, is in basketball, and he just is an all out athlete. He’s really nice, and everyone likes him. He’s really funny and he always laughs at your joke even if it isn’t funny._ **

**_He’s great. He really is._ **

**_Until one night Harry is laying on Louis’s bed with him, playing on his phone and snapchatting people. Louis laying on the opposite side of the bed, doing the same on Harry’s phone. Louis’s phone dings and there’s a text from Liam;_ **

**_Who are you with right now?_ **

**_Harry is confused because why does Liam care? He knows Louis is best friends with Harry, so why would be care at all? He’s his boyfriend, not his dad. Louis hears this ding and grabs the phone, reading the text and murmuring something about how he just gets worried when he’s not around him. He texts back rapidly, and Harry forgets about it 5 minutes later._ **

**_At 12:05 AM, they’re watching Friends on the TV in Louis’s living room when his phone rings. Louis is sitting down with his head on Harry’s lap and he looks like she’s right about to fall asleep. He picks up his phone from its spot on his stomach and brings to his ear and hums a hello. He listens for a moment before sitting up suddenly and stuttering over his words quickly;_ **

**_“No, no, Liam, it’s just Harry. We’re just watching a movie, I promise-Liam! No! Liam, it’s nothing, I’ll tell him to leave if it means that much to you. Liam, you’re fine...I know you do, love...It’s okay, he’s my best friend, Liam...I love you, too,” Louis shuts the phone off and looks at Harry, “He just gets worried that I’m cheating on him, his last girlfriend was a bitch, apparently, doesn’t trust easy,” He starts, leaning his head back on his shoulder and focusing in on Friends again._ **

**_“Aren’t you gonna tell me to leave?” Harry states, cold. “Since I’m such a big problem for his ego?” Louis huffs and moves his head away from him. Looking him in the eyes,_ **

**_“I love you more than him, you know that, right?” he starts, his hand on his cheek, “Liam is great, but you are my best friend. My go to, okay? You are going to come before any boyfriend, I swear.” He runs his hands through his hair and Harry wonders why he always does that. Louis wraps his arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight, Harry lets Louis hug him, looking over his shoulder to see the 10 messages from Liam already. At this moment in time though, Harry didn’t think anything of it, like Louis said,_ **

**_He didn’t trust easy._ **

**____________________________ **

**_The second warning sign was in Mr. Malik’s homeroom class. It was a Thursday. It was still early in the year, maybe September, so it wasn’t too cold out; especially for California. It was 82 degrees that day and Louis was wearing a long sleeve shirt and shorts, so it was really weird, Harry doesn’t think he’s seen him wear a long sleeve shirt since 2nd grade._ **

**_“Are you cold today or something?” Harry tries, leaning over his desk to whisper in Louis’s ear, who sits in front of him. Louis chuckles lightly and whispers back a,_ **

**_“Yeah, I guess so,”_ **

**_Harry doesn’t miss the way he doesn’t look into his eyes and how he tugs the sleeves down further. But again, being Harry, forgets it 10 minutes later._ **

 

**_He sees Louis and Liam in the locker bank later that day, Liam is leaning up against it, with hair styled and wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a tank top. Louis is standing next to him, he looks kinda monotone and Louis looks sad. Harry walks up to them, dialing in the combination for Louis’s locker, since they basically shared it, even though Harry does have an assigned locker on the other side of the school. He sets his extra things on the top shelf and slams it shut, his eyes meeting Liam’s, who is glaring._ **

**_“Why are you so obsessed with my boyfriend?” He spits, Harry is taken back, because Liam is usually so sweet and nice and never says anything that would be even considered rude for a second. Harry is still staring at Liam, wondering if this is a joke or something,_ **

**_“What?” He counters back, hand still on the locker._ **

**_Liam sneered, “All you ever fucking do is follow Louis around like a puppy, it’s creepy man. Leave him alone, he doesn’t like you like that.” Louis then has a hand on Liam’s chest, pushing him lightly and telling him to shut up._ **

**_“What are you talking about, Liam? Harry’s my best friend, good God, why can’t you be fine with that?” He says, in less of an indoor voice than usual. He says it like this is something they have talked about before and it scares Harry. He can picture them now, whispering about them when Harry isn’t listening, having conversations with their eyes when Harry is around. Harry hates himself at this moment._ **

**_“He’s in love with you, Lou,” Liam whispers angrily, loud enough for Harry to hear clearly. “Don’t you see that? Sorry I don’t want some love-crazed freak around my boy!” Louis pushes Liam aside as the bell rings, Harry sees them talking out of his hearing distance, he walks down to hall to his next class; not even looking back when Louis calls his name._ **

**______ **

**_“He’s scared, Harry,” Louis starts, back at his house after school. They were watching some random movie that neither of them were paying attention too, it was just white noise in the background so it wouldn’t be so quiet. “You know how bad his last girlfriend fucked him up. He doesn’t want to lose me the same way,” He sits up on the bed, reaching for his phone on the nightstand, as he reached for it, his sleeve lifted up; revealing a bruise around his wrist in the faint shape of a handprint. Harry looks at it for two seconds and he’s up off the bed, walking out the door and down the stairs. He knows who had hurt her, he didn’t even need to think twice. This is why Liam has been acting so off, this is why Louis has been so distant and weird._ **

**_Louis realizes what has happened a second later and chases after him, jumping off the last step onto his back; hoping that it would slow down Harry leaving._ **

**_“Get off me!” Harry yells, trying to grab his arms and shake him down, he only holds on tighter around his neck._ **

**_“Don’t say anything, Harry! It’s fine! I swear, Harry!” He is screaming into his ear and Harry thanks God that Anne and Johannah aren’t back from their date at the mall, because this would be something so hard to explain._ **

**_Harry eventually trips over the rug, toppling down on the carpet, hard. Louis lands on top of him, pushing on his chest to keep him down._ **

**_“Harry, you can’t tell anyone, it was one time! It’s fine, I promise. He just gets angry and he just grabbed me, he didn’t even hit-” Harry pushes him off of him. He’s now panting on the floor, Louis beside him. “He isn’t going to do it again, Harry. He won’t. You know I bruise easy, it wasn’t his fault.” Harry snaps his head to him,_ **

**_“Don’t say that. Of course it’s his fault! Louis, don’t do this; don’t get into something you can’t handle-” Louis cuts him off,_ **

**_“I can handle him,” He puts his hand on his cheek, “He isn’t a bad guy, Harry. You just need to open your heart.” He realizes Harry still looks unconvinced,_ **

**_“If he hurts me again, I’ll end it. Okay? I’ll end it, I promise,” He proposed. Harry nodded slightly. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighs,_ **

**_“I’m gonna head home, I’m so tired,” He lied, Louis looked at him with guilt in his eyes,_ **

**_“Okay. I love you, Harry.” He says. Harry gets up from the spot he was in, grabbed his shoes, keys, and phone, and was out the door in less than 30 seconds, not even bothering the put his shoes on, before getting in his Nison, and driving away, fast._ **

 

**_The thing it; Louis didn’t leave him after he hit him again. He didn’t leave him after the third, fourth, fifth, or even sixth time he hurt him. He was being abused. By someone he loved; the worst kind of abuse._ **

**_Liam has changed so much. He was no longer sweet, or kind. He made Louis sit with him, and him only at lunch; leaving Harry alone with his other friends who really weren’t his friends, but they were nice to be with when Louis wasn’t around, which was a lot since Liam was in the picture._ **

**_Harry didn’t need to ask Louis about Liam to know he was being hurt. He just knew. Just like he knew David was bad for his mom, and that Michael was an asshole. There are something’s you just know, and this was one of those things. Louis didn’t come to school for two days once, when he asks Johannah why, she gave him a vague answer; as if even she herself didn’t know. She whispered into the phone later,_ **

**_“Something’s wrong with him, Harry. I don’t know what it is, but he’s so different now. I don’t even know him anymore.” Johannah sounded on the edge of tears, a mother who has lost her own son._ **

**_Harry went to the police that day._ **

**_“I want to report domestic violence,” He states, very professionally to the woman at the reception counter. He had practiced saying it time and time again in his car on the ride there. The lady looked up from the counter,_ **

**_“You’re going to have to fill out some forms, talk to an officer, and we can call your mother in, dear,” She smiles. Harry nods, he takes the form from her hands and sits down in the chair of the waiting room._ **

**_First Question:_ **

**_“What is the name of the victim of abuse?”_ **

**_Louis Troy Tomlinson_ **

**_Harry’s hands shake as he fills out all the questions. Then he texts Louis after he hands the forms back to the receptionist, before going in with an officer,_ **

 

**_‘I’m sorry. I love you, I am always going to love you. This is how much I love you.’_ **

**_______ **

**_Liam is arrested later than day and brought to the station. Harry is still there with the officer. He watches Liam getting walked into by two policeman. He looks at Harry, and he can’t read him. He just looks, like he’s totally void of emotion. Harry then sees Louis, his mother, and Brent, walk in, Louis crying and Johannah crying, and Brent just looking at Harry._ **

**_“I hate you,” Louis says, but he knows he doesn’t actually hate him. He hugs him anyway, and feels his tears in his shoulder and he hugs him even tighter._ **

**_Needless to say, Liam was the worst of Louis’s boyfriends._ **

______________________________________________

“So, do you think it’s gotten better since David and your mom split?” Morgan asks, sitting in the cream leather chair that Harry has grown used to. Harry is sitting across from her, dressed in khaki pants and some random lacrosse sweatshirt, he doesn’t know where it came from because he doesn’t even play lacrosse.

“I thought I would get better when I got Louis back, and when David left I thought I would really be better, it’s just not.” He sighs, rubbing his hands across his face. Morgan doesn’t know David beat the living shit out of Harry and she never will know because his mom said if anyone found out they would take him out of the house again, like they did for two weeks when he was 8 and his mom couldn’t stop drinking.  He stops when he sees Morgan’s watching eyes, and he remembers that rubbing your hands like he does so often is a sign of anxiety and stress and he needs to stop. “I’m still sad.”

Morgan looks at him again, really looks, her hand isn’t writing in her notepad and she’s just staring at him. “What are you sad about, Harry?”

“That’s the thing,” he starts, looking down at his shoes, “I don’t know.” Morgan shuffles in her chair, not saying anything, she doesn’t have to. “It’s like I have this feeling of dread in me. I hurt all the time, I don’t get it, everything still feels wrong.”

Harry just doesn’t get himself, it’s like he’s drowning, but everyone around him can breathe. He finds himself just sitting in his bed, staring at the wall for hours and hours. Because honestly, he doesn’t see the point.

This life he has doesn’t make sense, but perhaps it’s supposed to be this way. His heart still beats and the world keeps spinning; people laugh and children cry, life is made and taken and he can’t decide which one it worse: leaving the life you’ve grown so used to, or having an entire life ahead of you, a million choices to make, and not one is yet decided. People change and hearts break, everyone can’t stop worrying all the damn time and it really is annoying.

“Do you want to die, Harry?” She asks with uncertainty, she is not looking him in the eyes, she is facing down at her notebook.

“I don’t know,” he sighs, “I don’t know because I don’t wear my seatbelt anymore, so maybe I do, I don’t look both ways before I cross the street. If a car hit me it wouldn’t be that bad, you know?”

This time Morgan does not nod, or write anything down. She looks at him, really looks at him, takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. A million things are running through Harry’s mind because this could be it, Morgan could go call a mental hospital and lock him up like some psycho. Morgan sighs a long sigh,

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she says barely above a whisper, “I’m so sorry.”  

And Harry thinks he’s broken her for a second, before she stiffens up again and goes into full throttle on depression and suicidal thoughts and what to do and she writes a prescription notice on a blank white sheet of paper and tells Harry to show it to his doctor and Harry says he will but he won’t.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Harry is sitting at Louis’s house with Clark and everything is good. Clark is good, and tall, and he smells nice and shaves and has a real job and is a good guy. If Harry had to pick one of Louis’s boyfriends to like the most, it would be Clark. Clark has has arm around his shoulders and he’s leaning into his side, they’re whispering between each other and Harry wonders if they're talking about him. He tries to act like he isn’t paying attention to it, scrolling through Twitter on his phone, but he really is trying to decipher what their saying. Johannah walks through the door with Brent and Anne and they look so happy. Harry smiles a little bit because he hasn’t seen his mom happy since David, she looks over to him in the middle of her laugh and her smile falls a little bit, maybe it’s because of the bruise on Harry’s face, reminding her of everything that was wrong a week ago, or perhaps she sees his father in him. Anne walks over to the couch Harry is sitting on and plops down next to him as Johannah and Brent walk into the kitchen. She grabs his face gently, cautious of the bruises, and kisses his cheek. Harry smiles and Anne whispers in his ear,

“I’m gonna be better, babe. I’m gonna be so much better.” Harry smiles again and puts his arm around his mom’s shoulders and pulls her in much like Clark and Louis, he rests his head on top of hers and everything is really good for a while.

 

Anne and Harry get home around 6 pm that night, Anne pays the sitter she had for the girls and Harry goes up to Maren and Gemma’s room to be with them, something he doesn’t do much. He let’s Maren climb over him and he watches Gemma play with dolls and Maren latched onto his shoulders when she asks him in that three year old voice, “Do you love me, Harry?”

Harry turns his head to look at her and he fumbles with his words, because now that he is thinking about it, he never really tells Maren or Gemma that he loves them. Never. He loves Bella because he is always with her and Bella is _his._ But, to Gemma and Maren, Harry is their brother but nothing more than someone who provides for them, not someone who loves them. Harry stutters back a ‘of course I do, Maren!’ and he kisses her head and she goes back to playing but Harry just sits there. He doesn’t even know if he loves them, really love them. He doesn’t know if he is capable of loving anything anymore.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

“Clark and I are taking a break.” Louis states one morning, it was really random, he was sitting at the counter at Harry’s house and Harry was feeding Bella in her highchair and his mom was sleeping, and the girls were playing in the living room and he’s been at their house for like 3 hours and he just blurts it out of nowhere, clutching his phone in her hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Harry says, trying not to look like he cared so much even though he did care a lot. “What happened?”

Louis sighs, “He’s almost 20, I’m 18, he just is gonna finish his last year of generals at college, before going into Aerospace and Science, he just wants to make sure he has time for me before getting into a serious relationship.” Harry thinks about how he words it, _serious relationship._ They’ve been dating for 8 months, is that not serious enough for Clark? Harry internally shakes his head, wiping Bella’s face and walking into the living room to set her down with the girls.

“We should get to school, Lou.” Harry sighs, it was almost 9 AM and he actually needs to not skip class for one day; it’s October of his senior year and he’s gotta do well. Louis nods and grabs his backpack off the chair; Harry calls up to his mom that they’re leaving, because he saw her bathroom light turn on a few seconds before, so thankfully she’s up. She groans back and shuts the door, tramping down the stairs. She isn’t as bad as she was before David, but she isn’t the same as she was with him. He was a dick, but he made her happy for awhile.

“Goodbye, my babies,” she moans affectionately, kissing Louis’s cheek, then Harry’s. “I have the night shift at the diner tonight, Harry, and I won’t be back till late,” she explains. Harry nods, not looking her in the eyes, he can’t. All he can see is her screaming at David and touching his face and he doesn’t like thinking about that night. He grabs his backpack, which was sitting on the couch, and him and Louis walk out the front door. They decide to take Louis’s car, and drive the 7 minutes to their school. Drake rapping fills the silence in the car and Harry knows him and Louis are thinking the same thing, _why is everything so different now?_

“Want me to come over tonight to help you with the girls?” Louis questions as he gets out of the car, grabbing his back from the backseat and slamming the door of his black 2011 Honda Civic.

“Nah, it’s okay, I’m fine alone,” Harry says back, walking at the same pace of Louis, opening the glass door for him, he sees his brown hair and her blue eyes and they are so plain in the whole general thought of it but he makes them look like the most beautiful thing in the world, and Harry thinks blue is his favorite color. He’s wearing Nike sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt that says lacrosse on it but Louis doesn’t even play and he looks so beautiful and he doesn’t even try to be. It’s like he’s the sun, and Harry tries hard not to look at him because he isn’t his, but he can still see him, like the sun; without even looking.


End file.
